Puns!

Christmas Punzzles

Tue, 3 Nov 2009 10:11:12 -0800

Want your fill of 100 different puns, rebuses, puzzles and just general holidays punnys. All are original works developed over the last twenty some years to have fun at Christmas. Get the book and enjoy these around the fire. (no fair throwing the book in the fire....) More on the book and how to order, go here .Go ahead and solve the three from above. The first one is the 100th pun and kind of stretches the genre. It is a name of a person - movie actor actually. The second one is a movie always played around the holidays. And the last one is easy - our wishes to you.

Burt Reynolds known for more than acting

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:41:20 -0700

Back in the gold rush days, hard rock miners would look for the best ways to transport the minerals to the crushing plants. Quite a science was made of selecting the best beasts of burdens that were suited for the rough terrain, were small enough to negotiate the small mine tunnels and were able to pull large loads.

Most of you may not have known that when a student at the University of Texas, Burt Reynolds as a research project started cataloging stories and studies about these animals. This became quite a collection, and was known world wide as one of the best little ore horse indexes.

TriMet MAX Line encounters major issue with new line

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:28:59 -0700

Portland Oregon is rapidly adding new lines as fast as track can be laid and new land can be procured. They have just finished extending the line through Gresham and down I205 to the Sunnyside area and Clackamaus Town Center. Only one problem. When the ribbon cutting and first train ride (they made it a free ride for anyone who wanted to get on the train) - it seemed that the trains could go down the tracks from Gresham to Clackamus, but were not able to negotiate the steep hill back up into Gresham. The Oregonian Newspaper reported it as; “The celebration of the new line down to Clackamus was well received, but alas in the end, it was an anti-climb MAX!”

Lets not pull the wool over your eyes

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:21:10 -0700

Jan is quite the knitter as are many of her friends. One day while browsing though the yarn shop here in Corvallis, she was with a friend who consistently bothering the clerk by asking what type of this yard and that yarn. Since the shop only dealt in woolen goods, the clerk would repeat the same answer over and over again for every sample Jan’s friend held up. The friend was looking at a bolt of cloth and before she could open her mouth with the obvious question, the clerk belted out, ‘all’s wool! That end’s wool!” (Guess the owner just would not cotton to any other material!)

Really, really bad one-line groaners …

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:46:41 -0700

• A backward poet writes inverse.
• A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
• Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
• Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
• When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
• What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
• He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
• Every calendar’s days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
• Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
• A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
• A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
• A dyslexic drunk staggered into a bra.
• A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
• Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
• A drunk walks into a bar. “Ouch!” he says.
• “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s Not Unusual.”